"Be real. Say what's going on for you. Communication is served when you're authentically being yourself. I have a phrase in my seminars: "tell the truth faster." So many of us do not communicate authentically. Instead we want to manipulate and affect the other person. When we do that, we don't have a connection at the heart level. But by being honest and just bringing forward whatever we're passionate about, whatever we're feeling, whatever we want to say, whatever we want to contribute to life, we get honest and true communication. I think that is critical. Share honest feedback, even if it's anger. It might be the thing really needed, even if it's uncomfortable. Authenticity can lead to real healing and growth." - Jack Canfield M.ED.
I know what it is like to feel alone, to be surrounded by loved ones and still feel so deeply alone. For years I had this deep sense of not belonging, like I was never meant to be here. Or at least that if I were meant to be here it must be for more, it couldn't just be about struggling every day until we die, there had to be more...
I spent a long time feeling deeply angry about what felt like this existential crisis of "what am I here for" and "why the fuck am I here if it is so damn hard?!"
Now at the time although these were the questions I was turning over and over it was not from a place of knowing I had a purpose it was more from a place of just being angry I was here and had to figure it out, like "I didn't ask for this existence!".
Instead of diving into these questions through mindful awareness, journaling and meditating like I would do now, I ran from them. I ran to what I always knew to be a place I could return to; drugs, alcohol, parties, surrounding myself with the distraction of moving here and there and back again.
Telling myself that because I functioned through all of this and made it to work and did well there that it was a normal and happy lifestyle to live.
Then in the winter of 2012 my world turned upside down and the fragility and preciousness of life was thrust down my throat in the most painful of ways. One month after the very tragic death of a close friend my step brother died from a drug overdose. I remember my phone blowing up with calls and texts from my closest friends desperately trying to reach me before I learned of it on social media. I remember the next few days and weeks through a fog of despair and anger. Turning to the usual substances to numb the pain only made it worse when I realized it was numbing the pain and the love! I never wanted to go another second without fully feeling it all because to me in this moment of recognition the pain reminded me of the deep love that was there that could never die. In this moment I knew that I had to wake up and start living my life, living my life so fully to honor my brother Calvin and all of the others that didn't get the chance.
The thing about having those ah-ha moments is that they are fleeting and then it is our job to get to work, and the work is not easy; It is messy and hard and it is not for the faint of heart, and it is difficult to even know where to begin, and then to navigate your way takes courage and vulnerability and the willingness to seek guidance. That is the beauty in the journey though is that we get to learn from those who have walked the path before us and we get to see that the way out is always through.
Restless, Angry and more lost than ever my journey of unlearning and re-learning began that moment but was not a steady course. It took a long time to truly wake up to the idea that the changes had to come from within. It has been an ongoing journey of turning inward, of choosing to live from love and not anger, of listening to my own inner guidance as well as seeking guidance from my teachers, coaches, and mentors. And always reminding myself of my inspiration and of how proud Calvin would be to see me living a life of purpose and dedicating myself to guide others on their journeys of self discovery and healing too.
This is why I do the work I do. I help others connect with their passions and purpose to live a life filled with joy, connection, and belonging.
With my experience as a practitioner of the healing arts, as well as teaching yoga and meditation, I have a large toolbox to draw from to provide my clients with the tools and techniques that will best fit their goals and way of learning as their mind-body-spirit life coach.
"When you discover and share who you truly are, it inspires others to do the same, and a cycle continues." - Shajen Joy Aziz M.ED.
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